Preparing for Marriage at Riverton Baptist Church

So you have found that special person and they have swept you off your feet! You have been walking in a dream since that time but now the reality of what lies ahead is starting to bite! Are you ready for marriage? What is involved? What should you do next?

In this article we will examine some of the processes that lie ahead in the hope that this will assist you to prepare for the exciting future that God has for you as a married couple. While many couples spend much time preparing for the wedding day, often not much time is allocated to preparing for the marriage! In this leaflet we will examine the legal requirements for marriage, what counselling services are available to assist you and church requirements at Riverton Baptist. A sample wedding service outline and key Biblical texts that refer to marriage and family life, along with a suggested reading list are also included. So let’s get started!

1. THE LEGAL REQUIREMENTS FOR MARRIAGE IN AUSTRALIA

Many people have questions about what is involved legally in marriage in Australia .

The Legal Definition of Marriage: Marriage: According to Australian Law, marriage is ‘the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life’. (Family Law Act & Marriage Act, 1961). We are fortunate in Australia that our government still holds firmly to a Christian framework for marriage.

Marriageable Age: A person in Australia is of a marriageable age if they have reached the age of 18 years. People 16 years of age but less than 18 years may apply to a judge or magistrate for an order authorising them to marry. If successful, they will be issued with a ‘Consent to Marriage of Minor’ form.

Marriage Celebrants: These are people registered to solemnize marriages in Australia . Within each church one or more such people have been registered, usually the pastors. You are free however to choose the marriage celebrant of your choice to officiate at your wedding ceremony.

The legal processes involved: A form will be supplied by the celebrant or pastor to be completed not more than eighteen months yet not less than one month prior to the intended date of the marriage. At that time, the couple must each produce an official birth certificate (or passport) or official extract of an entry for the celebrant to witness. Care should be taken to ensure all details concerning age, marital status and legality of the marriage are correct, for this is a statutory declaration you are signing.

If you’ve been Married before: In cases where people have been previously married, certificates of death, dissolution or nullity must be produced before giving notice of intended marriage.

The ‘Declaration of Conjugal Status’: This declaration, found on the back of the official marriage certificate, must be made before the marriage is solemnized. This is usually done within a few days of the ceremony. It is an offence for a marriage celebrant to solemnize a marriage unless both parties have made and subscribed their declarations.

The Three Marriage Records: The celebrant must ensure that a certificate for the couple’s use, an official certificate for registration purposes (to be sent to the Registrar’s Office) and a third official certificate (for the church register) have all been correctly signed and witnessed. The couple, the two witnesses and the celebrant must all sign each of the three marriage certificates.

Restrictions on the Marriage Ceremony: A marriage may be solemnized on any day, at any time and at any place. It does not have to be in a building. A marriage may not be solemnized however unless there are two witnesses present, both of who are over the age of 18. The celebrant will call upon those present to witness the union that is taking place. The celebrant is also to remind the couple of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which they are about to enter.

MARRIAGE COUNSELLING SERVICES AVAILABLE

Couples contemplating marriage at Riverton Baptist Church are expected to take part in a suitable course of pre-marital counselling. It would be foolish to spend much time planning for the wedding but very little time preparing for the marriage! The course we recommend is “Prepare”, involving three or four counselling sessions. Couples contemplating marriage should approach the pastors to arrange to take this course. The “Prepare” course is designed to help couples explore various areas of their relationship in a non-threatening atmosphere. There are many agencies that will also facilitate this course or others like it for you.

The couple first does a multi-choice questionnaire, the results of which are then discussed. Areas covered in the “Prepare” course include marriage expectations, personality issues, communication, conflict resolution, financial management, leisure activities, sexual expectations, children and parenting, family and friends, relationship roles and spiritual beliefs.

If you prefer, there are many service providers in W.A. who offer ‘Prepare’ and other marriage courses of varying lengths and at various costs. Such courses examine topics such as expectations of marriage, developing communication skills, growing together as a couple, handling conflict, decision-making, children and marriage and other such matters. Furthermore, a good government website to visit in this regard is RELATE at www.facs.gov.au/relate.

It is interesting to note that in 1994 only 17% of Australian couples attended a pre-marriage program before their wedding. This percentage has now increased significantly. With the direct costs of marriage breakdown in Australia at around three billion dollars per year, there has been a real push from all sections of society to now encourage pre-marriage counselling.

A listing of service agencies in W.A. known to us is shown below:

People in Harmony – offer the ‘Prepare’ range of courses in a Christian context. This is a ministry of Wesley Mission. The course involves filling in a questionnaire that is computer processed to generate an individual and couple profile of the relationship. The couple then discuss their responses with a facilitator over a number of sessions. Contact Elizabeth Dalzell 92840190.

KinWay Relationship Counselling and Education – offer marriage courses that include ‘Prepare’. Other courses offered include ‘Becoming Partners for Life’ and ‘This Time for Keeps’. KinWay is a ministry of Anglicare WA. Contact for details and costs: 93215801.

Catholic Marriage Education Services – a range of courses are available. Contact for details on 93251859.

Relationships Australia – involved in relationship education, counselling, family mediation and professional training. Offer courses such as ‘Getting it Together’, ‘Living in a Step Family’. ‘Partners to Parents’, ‘Parent/Child Relationships’ and others. Formerly called Marriage Guidance Council of WA. Contact for details and costs: 94896363.

If you wish to discuss any of these options further, please feel free to contact the pastors.

HOLDING YOUR WEDDING SERVICE AT RIVERTON

Below are a few basic points to note when seeking to use the church auditorium and facilities at Riverton Baptist Church :

◘ Please ensure that you have informed the Senior Pastor of your intentions.

◘ Make sure that you have booked the church for both the wedding and the wedding practice. Clarify with the Office Secretary any costs that may be involved. If the kitchen or other parts of the church are to be used, please clarify this with the Office Secretary.

◘ Make the necessary arrangements with the musicians and sound technician. Clarify any charges that may be involved.

◘ The couple is responsible for arrangements on their wedding day for any flowers, orders of service, ushers, car park attendants and the like.

◘ Make sure that arrangements for cleaning the church after the event have been organised. Also check that the seating configuration of the church is ready for the Sunday service if your wedding is on a Saturday. Seek to liase with the Office Secretary concerning these matters.

◘ Ensure that people are aware that confetti is not to be used in the church environment.

PLANNING THE WEDDING CEREMONY

To help in your preparations for the wedding service, a sample wedding outline has been included. There are great variations possible but these should be discussed with the pastor.

Sample Order of Service

Bridal Entry/Processional:

Welcome:

Prayer:

Song:

Bible Reading

Charge to Marriage

Song:

Pastor’s Address:

Song:

Declaration of Intent

Charge to Parents (optional)

Vows

Exchanging of Rings:

Proclamation of Marriage:

Signing of the Register/Item:

Prayer & Presentation:

Recessional:

Many variations of the wedding service are available for consideration. Consult with the pastors for other examples.

BIBLE PASSAGES ABOUT MARRIAGE

Building a strong marriage takes time, prayer and sustained effort! However God’s Word has much sound advice that will assist you in this vital task. We further have the assurance of the presence of the Holy Spirit to empower us on the journey. The following verses provide great food for thought! The verses are listed with some comments made about it.

Genesis 1:27 God created male and female in his own image and likeness and he blessed them. They were to be fruitful and to fill the earth. All that God created was good.

Genesis 2:18-25 God found however that it was not good for man to be alone, the first reference to something being ‘not good’ in his creation! Thus he made a helper suitable for him, taken from him and he brought her to him. This helper would help the man reach complete fulfilment, bringing elements of understanding and awareness into the relationship that was lacking. The man was to leave his own family environment, cleave to his wife and to become one flesh.

Psalm 127:1 God alone can give us the discernment and courage to build a strong Christian home. We cannot do it on our own. We need to walk close to him, to listen to his voice and to read and apply his Word in our daily life situations.

Proverbs 24:3-4 A Christian home is built by wisdom. To build is the same word used in Genesis 2 in referring to ‘fashioning’ when woman was rebuilt from man so that both flourished. Wisdom involves seeing with discernment, while understanding involves responding with insight. The home is thus enriched with positive healthy family relationships, mutual respect and deep integrity.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 In the turmoil of life, all can be meaningless unless one pursues a close relationship with God. Following on from that is the need for other meaningful relationships. The marriage relationship then provides one of the most positive expressions of deep friendship, of mutual support and encouragement.

Matthew 5:1-12 The beatitudes provide the basic for authentic Christian living. As one adopts a lifestyle modelled on these truths, so one grows to be more like Christ. Christ himself lived in this manner, as Isaiah 53 prophesied would happen.

Matthew 19:1-12 Jesus drew on Genesis 2:24 as the basis for his teaching on marriage and then emphasised the permanency of the relationship. Divorce was provided for only because of the hardness of people’s hearts. It was not this way from the beginning. Jesus here speaks of marriage as being between a man and a woman, joined together by God.

Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. A wife must be thus willing to live for her husband while the husband must be willing to die for his wife. There is no place for domination or exploitation, but rather mutual love and respect.

I Peter 3:1-9 Godly behaviour that flows from an inward relationship with God will affect every aspect of our lives. This applies to both husbands and wives as the phrase ‘in the same way’ implies. There is thus to be mutual respect and consideration, one for the other.

Revelation 19:5-10 The beautiful imagery of Christ and his church being likened to a wedding relationship is very powerful. These verses remind us of the ideals for marriage.

FOR FURTHER READING

Chapman, G, The Five Languages of Love (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1995)

Christenson, L., The Christian Family (Minneapolis: Bethany Fellowship, 1974)

Clinebell, l H. & Clinebell, C., The Intimate Marriage (Sydney: Family Life Movement, 1981)

Crab, L.J., The Marriage Builder (Michigan: Zondervan, 1982)

Getz, G.A., The Measure of a Marriage (Ventura: Regal Books, 1980)

Fritze, J.A., The Essence of Marriage (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1975)

LeHaye, T. & LeHaye, B., The Act of Marriage (Michigan: Zondervan, 1976)

Petersen, J.A., For Men Only (Wheaten: Tyndale House, 1975)

Smalley, G., Love is a Decision (Dallas: Word Inc., 1989)

Smalley, G. & Trent, J., The Language of Love (Pomona: Focus on the Family, 1988)

Sproul, R.C., Discovering the Intimate Marriage (Minneapolis: Bethany Fellowship, 1981)

Swindoll, C., Strike the Original Match (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1980)

Trobish, W., I Married You (London: IVP, 1971)

Wheat, E., Love Life for Every Married Couple (Basingstoke: Marshalls, 1980)

Wheat, E. & Wheat G., Intended for Pleasure (London: Scripture Union, 1985)

Wright, H.N., Seasons of a Marriage (Ventura: Regal Books, 1982)

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